Back-To-School Meltdowns, Solved

Podcast Description

Going back to school after a break can be surprisingly hard — for kids and parents. In this episode of Tantrum of the Week, we talk about what’s really going on when a 5–8 year old who was doing great suddenly melts down over socks, hair brushing, and getting out the door.

If your child seems more emotional, anxious, or resistant after a school break, you’re not alone. We explore why tantrums after vacation or holiday breaks are so common, especially for sensitive or big-feeling kids, and what you can do to make mornings calmer and more manageable.

You’ll learn:

• Why kids often struggle with routines after a break
• How anxiety and emotional overload show up as tantrums
• Simple morning routine strategies that reduce power struggles
• How offering the right kind of choices helps kids feel more in control
• What to do when your child can’t explain why they’re upset

This episode is full of practical, compassionate tools to help you support your child — and yourself — through back-to-school transitions without rewards, punishments, or constant battles.

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 Have a tantrum of the week? Send it to us — your question might be featured in an upcoming episode.

Thanks for listening to *Tantrum of the Week* with Lynn McLean, LCSW-S, Registered Play Therapist–Supervisor™.

New episodes each week to help parents understand and respond to their child’s biggest feelings with calm, confidence, and connection.

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Transcript

Welcome And Show Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Tantrum of the Week podcast, where we talk about the latest tantrum erupting at your house and give you quick ideas about what's happening and how to help them go away. I'm Lynn McLean. I'm a child therapist and parent coach, and I've helped lots of parents manage lots of tantrums. We talk about real tantrums every podcast and give you pro tips about how to manage them. I'm so glad you're here. Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of the Tantrum of the Week, where we talk about the tantrums that are happening at your house, why they might be going on, and what you can do to make them stop. So today's tantrum question is about back to school, back to the routine after a great break. So you know this happens after Christmas break, maybe spring break, a long weekend, family vacation. And this question in particular was about a six-year-old. So after the beginning of the school year, they were in a great groove, finally. There was a rocky start to the school year, but everything had settled in. This parent was feeling great about how it all was going. There was a good routine in place. So they had a great relationship with friends. Karate was going really smoothly. Bedtime was easy, and the weekends were happy. Everybody was having a good time. Then there was a holiday break, and it was a great time. Parents and kids spent a lot of amazing time together. And after that ended, and everybody went back to school and work, it was like a different kid showed up. Every morning was a fight. There were tantrums about just the most basic tasks that are really not hard for the six-year-old, like putting on their socks or brushing their hair. No amount of bribes or threats are working to get the yelling and the whining and the tantrums to stop. And she won't tell her parents why she's so mad about going to school. I mean, can you relate? I can. I have my own tantrums about going back after break, honestly, if I'm telling you the truth. So let's look at how come this might be going on. There are lots of reasons why we don't like to go back to typical routines after a break. We have fun. We might be more relaxed when we're not rushing for work or school. We don't have the same pressures. Kids can also get worried about how things are going to go for them when they get back. And then they can react to differences in their teachers or their friends' behaviors. It can also be really hard to not be at home with your family after you get to spend so much time there during a break. Here are some ideas about what you can do to make things easier for you and your kid, this six-year-old in the morning going back to school. The first thing is to realize why it might be happening, which we just talked about. You know it's understandable to be mad at your kid, and it can be really easy to expect them to have a better behavior immediately. But one of my favorite quotes talks about if you think of your child as struggling, then it's easier to think about what they need to support them. Here are some ideas to consider. The first one is to think about starting wake up and getting ready routines a little bit earlier in the morning so you're not stressed and rushing. So this would be for you to get yourself up, get yourself dressed, get that important cup of coffee so that you're feeling like, okay, you're steady on your feet and you're ready to go. Another idea to think about, and this is again, this is pre-gaming. Think about getting ready for everything you're gonna need to do in the morning the night before, before bed, or even before your kid wakes up. So you can do it the same morning. It's really less to think about, and you kind of have your ducks in a row. Think about also being supportive and warm and clear about what your kids to do in the morning. And you could give them a choice or two, not more, about how it can happen. So, for an example, hey, I know you're tired and it's time to brush your hair. Do you want to do it yourself or do you want to have me do it? Or another example could be do you want to do this in two minutes or three minutes? Or do you want to do it in your bathroom or in your bedroom? All of these choices really help kids get the idea that they have some choice about their lives and it really can help them feel better. It also takes the whole question of whether or not they're going to brush their hair out of the equation. That needs to happen. But there are some acceptable choices about where and when, for example, and those are choices that they can make. Be sure these choices are okay with you. So if you really need to hit the road in five minutes, don't offer them a chance to brush their hair in 10 minutes. That'll put you behind and it'll stress you out. If you've given them these choices, you've patiently waited for them to make their choice, and they're still so upset that they can't do it, then you say, you know, as hard as this is for you right now, you're really tired. I'm gonna decide for you. Also, really try to make the kindest, gentlest choice that you can for them. You really want this to go smoothly. You might be really mad that they're fighting about something that they were able to do before the break, but hang in there. Just really give them some time. Think about how you can support them because in the end it helps you get out the door quicker. So here's an example of what you could say. Hi, I know you're so mad and you don't want to pick where to brush your hair. I'm gonna sit on your bed with you and we're gonna brush it here in your bedroom. Don't expect them to be able to tell you why they're so upset. You may be really frustrated and worried about them and wondering why this is hard when it didn't used to be, but really they may not know why they're upset. They may not be able to tell you. Also, don't punish or reward behavior now. Just move them along and get them to where you need to go. Okay, we did. We brushed your hair. Let's go on and grab your backpack and we're gonna get out the door. Set yourself up for success. So when things are calm, you can say, I know mornings are so hard right now. Would it help for me to come in and help you get dressed tomorrow? It might be that that one-on-one time would feel great to you. P.S. This is not rewarding bad behavior. It's just setting an expectation and meeting your child's emotional needs. Sometimes we all need a little extra help. An example of rewarding bad behavior would be saying something like, You will not get more ice cream and all you've had enough sugar, and then you give your child a spoonful more ice cream after they've screamed for 30 minutes and have refused to hear the reasons that you're not giving them more. So I hope these ideas about how come your kid might be struggling, this little six-year-old who just doesn't want to go back to school after the break, and everything they need to do is a fight. Think about why it's happening. They might be anxious, they probably can't tell you why it's happening. Give them some choices that are okay with you and move it along. Stay calm. Then when things are low stress, you're not under pressure to get out the door, think about what might help. So maybe you lay things out the night before, maybe you give them some options, and in time and with repetition and consistency, they're gonna get it. And so are you. Okay, if you have a tantrum of the week happening at your house, comment below or send us an email at help at tantrum of the week.com. We'll be back with another tantrum of the week. I'm so glad you were here for this episode of Tantrum of the Week. I'd love to know if any of this happens at your house and how you handle it. Comment, subscribe, and email us about your kids' tantrum of the week. We'd love to hear about your passionate kids. And even though I am a real play therapist, this episode is not therapy. There are lots of amazing professionals, and I recommend that you contact them if your family needs that kind of support. Be sure to grab your free copy of why the latest parenting trends aren't working for you and what you might try instead. At the link in the show notes. And be sure to send us your kids' tantrum of the week. We just might feature you on an upcoming episode. We'll see you next time at the Tantrum of the Week.