The "One More Level" Protest

Does your kid lose it when it's time to turn off the screen? You're not alone.

Your 8-year-old did everything right. Homework's done, chores are finished, and you set clear expectations. But the moment dinner's ready and it's time to put down the phone? Full-blown tantrum. Sound familiar?

Whether you're dealing with a strong-willed child, a kid who won't stop playing video games, or just trying to find the right balance with technology and parenting, this episode gives you quick, expert-backed tools to calm the chaos and prevent the tantrum next time.

Thanks for listening to *Tantrum of the Week* with Lynn McLean, LCSW-S, Registered Play Therapist–Supervisor™.

New episodes each week to help parents understand and respond to their child’s biggest feelings with calm, confidence, and connection.

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Transcript

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Welcome And What We Do

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Tantrum of the Week podcast, where we talk about the latest tantrum erupting at your house and give you quick ideas about what's happening and how to help them go away. I'm Lynn McLean. I'm a child therapist and parent coach, and I've helped lots of parents manage lots of tantrums. We talk about real tantrums every podcast and give you pro tips about how to manage them. I'm so glad you're here.

When Dinner Interrupts The Game

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Our next tantrum of the week, in all fairness, doesn't really start out as a tantrum. It just starts out as a protest. Your eight-year-old is playing a video game, they finished all their homework, they don't have any more chores for the day. You're getting dinner ready. You've decided, you know, it's fine. Some screen time is not gonna hurt them right now. They love this game. You've got your parental control set up. You're good with it. It's super fun. They know dinner's about to be ready. They're gonna have to come to the table, and they're gonna have to pause their game when that happens. So you've made you've made all the expectations clear. Then dinner's ready. It's time to come to the table. You let them know, hey, dinner's ready, come on in. And what you get back is not your actual child coming to eat dinner, it's a call from the other room. I can't pause it. I'm gonna keep playing. You're gonna decide to stay calm. Good for you. I mean, it's hard to do. So you yell back, I know, I know it's hard, and I know you can pause that game. You need to come on for dinner now. No answer from the other room. You're gonna keep playing, they're gonna see how long they can make this work. So you go in, you hold out your hand, and you say, you know what? It's time for dinner. You need to pause the game and give me the phone. This is when the protest erupts and turns into the tantrum of the week. They yell, they scream, they tell you it's not fair, they're never gonna be able to get to this level again. All they needed to do was one more thing, and they were gonna get higher than they've ever been before, and you never let them do anything. Man, dinner is not starting off in the way that you really hoped it would be. I hear you, it happens so often. Screen time is one of the hardest things in the world to know how to regulate. On one hand, you might think they shouldn't have any. On the other, you know, it can be fun. Maybe their friends are online and you know that it's safe for them in the game that you've allowed them to play. But these protests about ending when it's time to do something else that the family needs to have happen are making it so it's almost not worth it. I hear you. I think it's important when we're talking about these tantrums that are frequent, and I hope they're not happening too often at your house. But honestly, I do know that they are happening in a lot of houses, so don't feel alone.

Why Screens Trigger Big Protests

SPEAKER_00 3:00

It's important to think about the reasons underneath the behavior, underneath the frustration and the tantrum. In this case, you've got a kid who's eight, they're really developing into a more advanced and mature human. They're starting to be able to make their own choices. They really love how this video game makes them feel because they're mastering levels, literally. I mean, what a great idea for their development and for their social interactions, right? They can talk to their friends about it. If they're not connected in the game, maybe their friends are playing and they can talk about it the next day. That's all so motivating when you don't have much control about other areas of your life, like when you're eight. The other thing that happens to all of our brains when we're on screens is that they really draw us in. The graphics, the sounds, the play, and the competitiveness. It's so exciting, and we just want to keep going. We master one thing, and all we want to do is get to one more level. Dinner is not nearly as fun as that, and that's why these protests happen, and that's why this tantrum occurs even when you really have done all the right things and tried to set it up for them to make it from the game to the dinner table without a blow up. Keeping these things in mind can help you make decisions for the future, and that's what I'm always wanting to help you think about setting things up so you don't have the tantrum the next time.

Preventing The Next Blow Up

SPEAKER_00 4:43

So you might think about limiting screen time, limiting the video game when there's something that's coming up that your child is gonna have to do. You might want to say, Okay, I know that you really want to play this. Tonight, we're not gonna have enough time because dinner's coming right up, and you're gonna need to have dinner so you can get to bed. So maybe it's no video game. They might still have a tantrum about that. And hopefully it's not gonna disrupt your whole evening. Another thing you could think about is asking them to make a choice. So when you play one more level, you don't make it to dinner, or when you start playing, you always want to get to one more level. Do you want to not play tonight so that you don't have to worry about giving it up, even if you're about to get to another level? Or do you think you're gonna be able to stop push pause even if you're about to make it? They might be able to pick, they might be able to decide. All right, you know what, it's gonna be really hard for me to give it up. I'll wait until Saturday when I can play a little bit longer. We never know. Always give your kids the benefit of the doubt, allow them to make a choice. You know what? It's gonna help build that muscle for self-control later when they're older. And that's always a good thing for all of us, no matter how

Staying Calm Mid Tantrum

SPEAKER_00 6:02

old we are. Another thing to think about when you're in the middle of the tantrum, the one more level protest, keep your cool and don't overreact. I think one thing that can get frustrating for us as parents is the idea that you know what, if I didn't ever let you do this, we wouldn't have this kind of problem before dinner. Try not to make blanket statements and long-term withdrawal of the privilege of the video game, if that's something that you allow in your home. Try not to, all right, that's it. You're not gonna have video games until I tell you. Or you're not gonna have video games for the rest of this month. It's a long, long time. And the reason that it can be a problem is that your child then doesn't have much motivation to try again the next day. Ideally, that's what would happen. If you're gonna allow them to have the video games, you might want to let them try it again the next day, make the decision that's gonna work for them and for you, and again, build that self-control muscle. Even if they seem so grown up at eight, self-control is really a hard thing. And delaying gratification is a hard thing to master. Know that, think about that, give them time to calm down. If they really are in a big protest and they're really mad, just give them a minute to calm down. P.S. This will give you a minute to calm down too. When they're calm, you still, okay, I'm gonna need the game. And all right, now let's go to dinner. It's not the time to hop in, remind them that you had already told them you're not gonna be able to play all night, you're not gonna tell them that you reminded them that dinner was gonna be happening. All of that is true, and eventually, you know what? They are gonna be able to obey those rules and remember that structuring that you gave them. Right now, though, they're so upset, they're so disappointed, and it's really hard.

Hold The Limit Then Reset At Dinner

SPEAKER_00 8:03

So after you've gotten the phone back or the tablet, whatever they're using, because P.S. You're gonna stick with your limit. It is time to stop playing the game, even if they want one more level. It is time to come to dinner, and we're not gonna let them not obey the limit that you decided to set. But once if they have stopped playing, you know what? They get credit for that. Have them come to dinner. If they're still pouting, that's okay. Just ignore them, give them space, give them time, include them in the conversation. Ignoring them doesn't mean that they're out of it forever. It doesn't mean that they have to be by themselves for the rest of the evening. It just means we're gonna let you be quiet. I'm not gonna make you apologize. I'm not gonna make you tell me why what you did was wrong. We're happy to have you at dinner. Tomorrow's another day. You can try again. That's a great thing about all of us. We all get a chance to try again.

Listener Invite And Free Resource

SPEAKER_00 8:58

I'm so glad you were here for this episode of Tantrum of the Week. I'd love to know if any of this happens at your house and how you handle it. Comment, subscribe, and email us about your kids' tantrum of the week. We'd love to hear about your passionate kids. And even though I am a real play therapist, this episode is not therapy. There are lots of amazing professionals, and I recommend that you contact them if your family needs that kind of support. Be sure to grab your free copy of why the latest parenting trends aren't working for you and what you might try instead. At the link in the show notes. And be sure to send us your kids' tantrum of the week. We just might feature you on an upcoming episode. We'll see you next time at the Tantrum of the Week.