You Took My Device Explosion

Does your child completely melt down when it’s time to turn off the screen and start homework? You’re not alone.

In this episode of Tantrum of the Week, child therapist and parent coach Lynn McLean breaks down a common screen time tantrum many parents of elementary-aged children face. When a child refuses to give up their device—and emotions explode—it can leave parents feeling frustrated, guilty, and unsure how to respond.

This episode covers:

• Why screen time triggers intense emotional reactions in kids
  
  
• What’s happening in the brain during a technology-related tantrum
  
  
• How to prevent power struggles before they start
  
  
• What to do when your kid is already throwing a tantrum
  
  
• How to hold limits without escalating the meltdown
  
  
  

If you’re dealing with a tween technology tantrum, homework battles, or big emotional reactions around devices, this episode offers practical, compassionate strategies you can use right away.

🎧 Listen to the episode for simple tools to help your child calm down—and help you stay grounded when screen time ends.

Thanks for listening to *Tantrum of the Week* with Lynn McLean, LCSW-S, Registered Play Therapist–Supervisor™.

New episodes each week to help parents understand and respond to their child’s biggest feelings with calm, confidence, and connection.

Learn more about play therapy and parent coaching in Houston, Texas: https://www.houstonfamilytherapyassociates.com/

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Transcript

Welcome And The Weekly Tantrum

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Tantrum of the Week podcast, where we talk about the latest tantrum erupting at your house and give you quick ideas about what's happening and how to help them go away. I'm Lynn McLean. I'm a child therapist and parent coach, and I've helped lots of parents manage lots of tantrums. We talk about real tantrums every podcast and give you pro tips about how to manage them. I'm so glad you're

The iPad Rule Breaks Down

SPEAKER_00 0:28

here. These days, so many families allow their kids to use screens. It's common. And you know what? There's lots of really appropriate ways for them to be online and to have some time on, for example, a tablet. So it's ordinary for parents to allow their kids to have them and to use them, but they have some expectations about things that should be done first. For example, homework. A tantrum of the week that we hear about a lot is the you took my device explosion. When you have a tween, in this case, a 10-year-old, who has access to the iPad, but only in certain circumstances. After they've done their homework, after they've done their chores, after they've done everything they need to do, then they can have the iPad. In this case though, your 10-year-old decides, I don't want to do all that. And they grab it and they start watching YouTube videos. You hear it and you check in. Hey, have you done everything you were supposed to do? Well, no, no, they say, no, no, I'll do it though. I'm gonna do it after this. I just I just need some time. I just need some time to relax. What you know is they've already relaxed. They already came in, hung out with their siblings, had a snack, played outside a little bit, and haven't done their homework. They went up to their room saying they were gonna do their homework, but then you overhear the videos going. So you go up to check. What you say is, hey, that's not what we agreed on. It's time to give me the tablet, and it's time for you to do your homework. The frustration boils over then, and your ordinarily not tantruming 10-year-old loses it. They toss the tablet at you, fall on their bed, and sob and tell you you're the worst parent ever because you're taking away their tablet privileges. I mean, it can make you feel terrible. You know that they've already had a long day, and you know that things can be stressful. It's a hard, hard time. Tweens face a lot of the same pressures that older adolescents do. They're really navigating a complicated social environment and a lot of demands that are put on them from teachers and other adults. It doesn't mean though that they don't need to do what you're asking them to do. We're

Why Tweens Melt Down After School

SPEAKER_00 2:52

gonna talk about more ideas about why the tantrobes happen and what you can do to hopefully stop them before they start and how to respond once they're going. As I mentioned, our tweens, we think of this as a really easy time of childhood. Generally between ages 9 or 10 and 11 or 12 is what we think of as tweens. And we think, well, you know, they're mainly in elementary school, sometimes early middle school. It's not a really strong academic pressure that we associate with high school, for example. Probably it's it's pretty easy. Actually, these kids face pressures that we don't think of always, and it's important to remember that they can feel so frustrated and so spent at the end of a day like this one. Another thing to think about is the interactions on the tablet, whether they are actually communicating with other kids online, can be social currency for them. So, did you see this YouTube from the influencer that they like? There are a lot of things that get really popular with kids, and watching them and being able to talk about them the next day can really be a way to communicate and to connect with peers. When you take that away from them, all of it can just boil over, especially at the end of a frustrating day. The other thing that happens with our use of screen time for any of us is that it can feel really soothing to our brains, but at the same time, sometimes it can be overstimulating. So if they're already kind of craving that hyper focus, but they're feeling a little overstimulated because they've already been watching videos, they're not gonna be in a really balanced and great place to respond to your demand that they go on and do their homework the way they're supposed

Preventing Blowups With Clear Choices

SPEAKER_00 4:43

to. Knowing all of this, perhaps you can set things up ahead of time the next day or the day after to make it a little easier. I know that you love to watch videos when you get home and it feels great to you. Today, you're gonna need to do your homework first, and then absolutely after I see that you've done your homework, you can have, and this is for you to decide 20 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever it is, on the iPad after you've done your homework and taken the dog out, whatever the tour is. Once you've done that, then you can give them a choice, and it needs to be a genuine choice. Would you like to do your homework first or take the dog out first? This way they have some autonomy and some way to have some agency in their lives. That's another thing about tweens. They really are starting to understand and desire that independence and growing maturity that they're getting. It's also frankly really expected of a lot of kids their age. Adults and teachers, they are saying, Listen, you're in this grade and you really need to step it up. You're one of the oldest ones in the school. You need to be paying attention. Next year, you're gonna be in middle school and you're gonna have to do all this on your own. So they're already getting the pressure and they need to practice being able to make some of these choices. So allowing them to do that might help offset the tantrum later when they need to give up the tablet or when they haven't done what they're supposed to already do and you have to take it away. Remembering where they are emotionally and remembering the pressures on them doesn't make inappropriate behaviors okay. Your limits are important and you need to hold them. It's absolutely essential that they do their homework before they zone out on a screen. That's just common sense. Understanding where they're coming from can really help give you some empathy and some calm when it comes to facing the explosion if it does happen.

Taking The Device Without Escalating

SPEAKER_00 6:46

If they refuse to give up the device and you do need to take it, and you do get that outburst of you are so unfair and you are not a good parent to me, and their hearts are broken, or they're absolutely furious with you, it can be easy to feel the same way. Listen, I told you this. You know you're supposed to do your homework first. That doesn't really help when they're out of control. In this case, what I would recommend is that you just go on, take the tablet, take it away. I'd say for, you know, a day, maybe two. Try to resist the urge to punish them and teach them a lesson by keeping it away from them for long periods of time. If you want, you could give them the option to earn it back by doing an extra chore the next day. That's up to you. But you really want kids to have a shorter and finite period of a consequence so that they feel the motivation to keep trying, to keep making it work. If they have exploded, if they have absolutely yelled at you and they're sobbing and yelling, it's not the time to try to talk to them. It's not the time to try to punish them, it's not the time to try to remind them that they know better and they shouldn't be disrespectful to you. Instead, give them some space, let them know that you're gonna help them move on to their homework when they calm down, when they do calm down, and they will. Try not to go back over what led to the explosion. Try to just move on with what needs to happen next, which is the homework and the chore in this case. Hi, I got your space ready for you. Would you like to do your homework down here with me, or would you like to work in your room? P.S. The tablet would not be in their room. Give them a choice again, make it a true choice for them, and let them know that once they've done their homework, then they're gonna be free to do something else, not have the device for the rest of the evening if that's the decision that you made, that was the limit you set, and that they can try again tomorrow. You can try again tomorrow is one of the most powerful statements of faith and belief in their ability that you can make to them. So that's another reason why I encourage parents not to set these really long withdrawals of privileges for kids. You can try again tomorrow. It gives them some hope, it gives them a finite period of time, and it gives you a chance to reclaim your calm, let them know you're serious about your limits, and hopefully the next day they won't be as spent and out of control, and it won't lead to the explosion when you need to take their device. I hope this helps the tantrum of the week at your

Try Again Tomorrow And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 9:37

house. I'm so glad you were here for this episode of Tantrum of the Week. I'd love to know if any of this happens at your house and how you handle it. Comment, subscribe, and email us about your kids' tantrum of the week. We'd love to hear about your passionate kids. And even though I am a real play therapist, this episode is not therapy. There are lots of amazing professionals, and I recommend that you contact them if your family needs that kind of support. Be sure to grab your free copy of why the latest parenting trends aren't working for you and what you might try instead. At the link in the show notes. And be sure to send us your kids' tantrum of the week. We just might feature you on an upcoming episode. We'll see you next time at the Tantrum of the Week.