Welcome to Tantrum of the Week, the parenting podcast that helps you make sense of your child’s hardest moments. Hosted by Lynn McLean, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor™, each episode explores one real-life tantrum and uncovers the emotional needs, triggers, and stressors underneath.
You’ll learn how to:
Understand the why behind your child’s behavior
Respond with calm and confidence — not frustration
Build emotional regulation skills through connection
Use play therapy-informed parenting strategies that actually work
Whether you’re dealing with bedtime battles, sibling fights, or after-school meltdowns, Tantrum of the Week offers practical tips, expert insight, and a reminder that you’re not alone.
🎧 New episodes weekly. 📍 Based in Houston, Texas — helpful for parents everywhere.
•Lynn McLean, LCSW-S, Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor ™ •Episode 18
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We usually think of tantrums as something kids have — but this episode is about the tantrum parents have. You know the one: a folder of school paperwork, an offhand comment from a teacher, or a social media post about another kid's reading level, and suddenly you're spiraling, panicking, and up late Googling tutoring programs. We unpack why that anxiety shows up disguised as productivity, why one data point rarely tells the whole story, how kids absorb our worry even when we don't say it out loud, and what actually helps a struggling learner more than another worksheet or flashcard session. Spoiler: it's your calm, not your curriculum.
Thanks for listening to *Tantrum of the Week* with Lynn McLean, LCSW-S, Registered Play Therapist–Supervisor™.
New episodes each week to help parents understand and respond to their child’s biggest feelings with calm, confidence, and connection.
Today's tantrum may be one that will surprise you because it's not really about a kid tantrum. It's about a parent tantrum. And by tantrum, I mean not the falling down on the floor, kicking and screaming, although you might feel like doing that. It's more like the emotional overwhelm and the hard time regulating as a result, which actually is what happens in a tantrum.
But today we're talking about that gut-dropping feeling of finding out that your kid might be falling behind in an area of academic achievement. And it can come from any direction. It can hit you from out of the blue. So maybe there's a folder of first week paperwork from school or a note with the teacher that says, we have some concerns. Or it might be you see a social media post about a neighbor's kid that's the same age as yours finishing a chapter book that's several levels over where your kid is. So I think that any of these can stop you in your tracks, make you wonder, is your kid behind? It's really not a predictable situation, right? It hits you in the gut and it can send you into a tutoring research rabbit hole at 11 p.m. You can really panic about this. You can catastrophize and think they're gonna fall behind forever. And when you're comparing your own child to their siblings or the neighbor's kid down the street, that's such a small group that you're talking about, and it still can really make you worry about your kid. You can really start to think about all the things that you need to do when you think that this might be happening. So you might start pushing some academic prep that then they don't want to do. You can be irritable and worried and then snappy when they do push back if you're trying to get them to do flashcards or read more. So if you have been in that position where you're staying up late and you're Googling reading programs, or the best way to help my kid learn to read, um, or that you are um searching Reddit for all the best things to do, you're not overreacting. You're just a parent who really loves their kid and you're scared. They're not the same thing, you're not overreacting, but they can feel identical at midnight.
So what's happening for you in this tantrum, in this panic, in this difficulty regulating, is it's the anxiety about your kid's well-being. And when you are looking to solve the problem, which is what a lot of us do as parents, right? It's kind of our job, is to be in charge and to solve the problem. So we dive into research mode, and anxiety loves wearing that costume of productivity, right? When we're researching, when we're planning, when we have our flashcards out, it feels like we're in charge. It feels like we're doing something, and that feels a lot better than being afraid for your kid, for their self-esteem, for their progress, for their abilities. And it is um directly related to what I believe is every parent's motivation, which is to do their best by their child. You really want to be sure that you're not missing something, that you're not failing at one of the most important jobs you have, which is helping your child be the best that they can be and be the happiest that they can be. I think a lot of us as parents have really absorbed the message that academic performance equals future security. And it comes from all directions. It comes from academia, it comes socially, it comes from family. It is rarely examined because it's not always true, especially if your child is young and they're still learning. It doesn't mean that if they're below reading level, they're not going to be able to succeed in life. But it's something that we have really been programmed to believe. And it can really give you such a feeling of dread if you feel like your child is struggling. So none of this, if you're worried about it, makes them too much. It makes you really be the parent who's caring and you're looking to find the best path forward for all of you without more drawn-out battles at home. Because we don't want our own panic, our own tantrum to set up a situation where you're going to get tantrums for your kid, right? There is good news in this. You rarely have missed your chance to help your child. You rarely have missed the chance to fix
it. And so what you can do instead is really think about what is actually going on. First off, just get some more information. One note, one impression from a social media post doesn't necessarily mean that your child is really struggling and is not at grade level. Comparing one child to their cousin, that's such a small sample, and it may not be comparing apples and apples. It may be comparing a couple of really different things. If you need to, talk to the teacher. Talk about what exactly was behind the note. What exactly did they see? Separate your nervous system from what your next planned move is. Okay, so you've gotten some specific information. Don't jump into scheduling a bunch of tutoring sessions or drilling flashcards at dinner. Really think about what your information is telling you and then go from there. Don't just throw everything at what you think is the problem. Definitely look for interventions if you feel like it's important, but don't jump into a bunch of stuff that's going to overwhelm you and your child.
Because you know this as well as I do. Kids can feel a parent's anxiety, they can feel the pressure even when nothing is spoken aloud. So a kid who senses my parents really scared about me or they think that I can't do this can absolutely internalize that. And it can add to more worry for them on top of maybe a real learning struggle. So think about what your child really needs. Think about what they are saying and think about who they are, not just that academic one measure. You know, when we give them confidence and motivation, that's often the best way to open the doors for them, right? Not just skill repetition. Instead, a kid who feels safe trying, who feels okay with solving some problems that they haven't figured out yet, is a lot more teachable and a lot more confident than a child who is feeling like they're really not getting it. Another thing you've y'all have heard me say this before, but it's so important. Get support for yourself and not just your child. If you find yourself, again, Googling, you're on chat, you're on the Reddit boards, looking for the best way to get your child to advance, and that's what's keeping you up at night. Think about a different approach. Think about supporting your child, what you know about them. If you need to talk to somebody, do that. If you need to enlist an expert, do that. Somebody can give you some real data-driven information and not just one note from a teacher that may not mean what you worry that it's gonna mean. If you can be the calm one in the room, if you can feel worried and still maintain your calm and your confidence in your kid, that's the actual skill that your kid needs you to have. Not worrying about fixing their reading level by Friday. So thinking about your child as behind isn't fair to them and it's not necessary for you. They're not running a race, they're on their own path. And the most useful thing that you can offer them isn't more flashcards, it's not another task to add to everybody's already busy to-do list. It's just a nervous system that's really steady enough. You're you're letting yourself be regulated enough to know that your child can feel safe when they're problem solving, and best of all, they have you right there with them.
I hope that this tantrum, this panel, is a helpful thing to think about as something that you can manage, something that you can find, something reasonable, something doable, and something not overwhelming. Have faith in yourself, have faith in your child. Your family has strengths that nobody else's does.
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